Dating Hacks for Church Girls by Uche Okeleke
INTRODUCTION
There are only a few things more troubling as getting less than you expected when you’re not even asking for too much. Having a happy and healthy relationship that advances into a blissful marriage is in actuality, not asking for too much. Yet, it is alarming how many of us end up getting less than that. It makes you wonder, why does it seem so difficult? Are men that entirely hopeless and pathetically unreliable? Are good men so hard to find?
As a young person who has been a youth minister in about three different Christian denominations for a combined 16 years, I have had countless conversations with honest and goodly church sisters who are going through the toughest of dilemmas about marital decisions. I have also seen too many godly sisters who are nothing less than a great catch for any man settle into a relationship that made me think, she surely deserves better. I have thought Sunday School classes particularly around the subject of marriage where innocent Christian sisters who want nothing more than to please God ask honest questions about what the will of God is concerning certain matters in marriage such that I wonder how much more are out there with little or no clue what should be. Then I have organized and facilitated dozens of youth fellowships where the theme is around relationship and dating and have attendees ask for counsel on certain situations they have walked into, many of them heartbreaking to the extent I fear for what might lie ahead for them should urgent actions not be taken.
All these had kept a plethora of questions running in my heart for over a decade. Do these ladies even know what it means for a man to love a woman in the godly way? How does one identify pure love? What is the primary and critical mindset a lady should have when entering relationships? What are the most notably red flags a girl should look out for in men showing interest in them? How should a woman best handle herself to be most admirable? How does a lady rescue herself from being subject to the whims of a man in this era where freedom and independence is crucial for women than ever? How does a woman handle sexual pressures and protect herself from being tricked or bullied into compromising her moral convictions regarding sex? Is dating even that fundamental as a prelude to marriage? Why can’t we bypass it all together and how could one achieve that? If one was to date, how best to conduct one’s self through that period? What are the psychological barriers to sustaining a relationship within church and how to deal with them?
All these and more are what I have eventually been able to discuss and provide answers to with the help of the Holy Spirit. There are certain points you would disagree with and that’s totally fine. I have not written to pretend to be an absolute authority on anything. Rather, I have written to share my advice and sometimes, suggestions on how to deal with certain circumstances the best I can.
As the title of this book may have suggested, this book is primarily addressed to Church Girls. By church girls I mean adult ladies who are ready to get into relationships for the ultimate purpose of getting married. This expressly refers to women who are interested in marriage. I recognize there are women who have no interest whatsoever in ever getting married, and that’s totally okay too. The whole point of life is that we personally decide what defines success for us or what we wish to pursue without being shamed about it. This book is for those who want a dating process that leads to a blissful marriage.
To this end, it is worth noting that being a church girl in a relationship with a church boy doesn’t guarantee automatic smooth affair. The fact that you met him in church doesn’t mean he is any better than the man your carnal colleague met at a night club last week. The brutal truth remains that the church isn’t a selection of the finest people on Earth. Christian congregations are not a microcosm of the heavenly population. If anything, they are a microcosm of the best and worst of the society they are set.
Take for instance, as a beautiful God fearing church sister that you are, each day you come to service and lift your hands in worship, there are a number of men checking you out. Among them are married men standing next to their wives but fancy you for something that isn’t sharing communion. There’s the dude who is liking you, not for a relationship but for sex, as casual and one off as it can be. There’s that brother who is hoping to get a change for a relationship but marriage is far from his mind. And there’s that one who thinks he’s serious about marriage with you but in actuality, he’s the farthest thing from being ready for marriage, character and personality wise. But there would likely be in that mix, a God sent who’s your perfect partner that God knows would be fantastic for you.
The job you have to do is to be discerning enough to pick him out among all these that would stop to get your number after service. And when you pick him out, how would you handle him yourself and manage him? That is what this book is about.
Consider this book a lesson note God has spent 17 years preparing for you so that you would not shed a tear on account of relationship or marriage. I pray that this encounter of enlightenment you’re about to have would impact your life down to your seventh generation.
Everything you will learn in this book, I encourage you to teach it to your female friends, classmates, and colleagues, your younger sisters, and even your daughters when they grow up.
